And You Call This a Bowling Alley?

Last night was a very exciting day for me, or at least it was until I was exposed to such a disastrous first half display, as it was the first televised regular season college basketball game! ESPN Deuce (you had to see that coming) aired the Maryland regional of the annual Coaches vs. Cancer classic featuring the University of Maryland against national power, University of Vermont. I kept a running dialogue of the game, however, you will notice a slight fade in action as I began to doze off.

7pm

- Coming to you from Collage Park, Maryland is one of my favorite tag teams outside of Jenna Jamison and Kira Kerner, Brad Nessler and Jimmie Dykes! Anyone with the last name “Dykes” is ok in my book.

- Was just thinking, does anyone miss the old “Deuce” network that featured a young Kenny Maine sporting a flannel shirt being introduced with a background of classic porn music? I know I do.

- 17:04 mark, a few minutes into the half and I’ve began to pick the lint out of my belly button – what a rough start to a highly anticipated evening!

- For the opening night, there were a slew of empty seats; I honestly think there was far better attendance for the 2006 Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle vs. the Hadley School for the Blind. Also, Gary Williams certainly did not let his fans down; within the first 4 minutes the man perspired straight through his sport coat leaving no room for imagination and clearly reminding me of Ron Jeremy, circa 1995.

- “Way short, and way too quick…that’s not Vermont’s style.” Thanks Jimmie, not sure if Vermont ever really had a “style.”

- TV Timeout at the 15 minute mark – thank GOD! Sluggish start, no consistency on offense and the pace is quite erratic. The Terps lead 7-4; I rushed home from work for this!

- College Hoops 2K7 looks pretty good – however, have you noticed how much better the game looks on TV versus the way it looks on your own Playstation and/or Xbox? Not to mention, no one will be able to figure out that advanced dribbling move.

- 14:05 mark, this is ridiculous, Maryland should be ashamed of themselves on their own home court. Come on guys, Vermont’s got five white dudes out on the court!!! Tied at 7-7.

- Promising outlook for Maryland, remember the names Greivis Vasquez and Eric Hayes; a couple of under the radar freshman who will be logging major minutes in the backcourt this year. Hayes could be the next Steve Blake and speaking of labeling someone, “the next” I think that term is being used a little too often these days and in the wrong context. For instance, Harold Minor was dubbed the next Jordan (or baby Jordan) and Adam Morrison the next Larry Bird – these expectations are certainly a set up for failure; we need to start toning down the player to player comparisons. For instance, a guy like Joe Jones at Texas A&M can clearly become the next Dontonio Wingfield!

- 10 min mark and it’s 12-11 Vermont, at least I get to looking forward to the Texas/Alcorn St. in the other regional tomorrow night…

- Love the Vasquez kid (6-5 point guard), plays with fire and not afraid to take big shots on a senior laden team. A bit erratic at times but has a good basketball sense and the crowd seems to love him already.

- TV Timeout at the 7 min mark

- Oh good, I was wondering when the MLS Cup kicked off…

- By the way, is there any better name in college basketball than Nate Funk?!

- Back to the game – interesting stat line, Vermont is out-rebounding Maryland 16-9 and Vermont has yet to insert a player over 6-8. Center Ikene Ibekwe and forward James Gist are non factors thus far.

- Vasquez leads the Terps with 7 points at the 5 minute mark.

- I can’t seem to get my eyes off Vermont’s head coach Mike Lonergan. It’s not that I’m attracted to him (although I do give credit to handsome men such as Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and certainly Andy Garcia) but Coach Lonergan has a massive case of Robin Williams hand; he’s got that gangly hair that sneaks out of the sleeve, looks like he’s holding a Chia Pet.

- Maryland transfer Bambale “Bam Bam” Osby sinks a sweet baby hook to put the Terps up by 5. He also has an even sweeter baby ‘Fro! Reminiscent of an old college favorite, Jerryl Sasser, from SMU circa 1999 – down 20 to Stanford on national television while shouting “You can’t hold me!” Classic.

- At the 3:30 mark and all I can think of is the Pizza Hut 2 medium pizzas, breadsticks, dessert and 2-Liter soda for $19.99! However, coming up at the half, Doug Gottlieb!

- Maryland has started to pull away (28-19) after increasing the defensive pressure – with a minute to go, the overall tempo favors Maryland but some nice offensive exchanges despite the 7 point Maryland lead. Senior guard Mike Jones, WHO?!, paces Maryland with 11 pts having hit his last 5 shots and the lead at the half stands at 36-27.

Start of the 2nd Half

- I’m really not sure if I can make it!

- A few minute into the game and for those who are not aware, by January, Bob Knight should pass Dean Smith for all-time wins in college basketball. What a formidable list of coaches he has passed to get here including Smith, Phog Allen, Jim Phelan (who wins the Ronald Reagan award for not remembering coaching his last 5 seasons) and Brian Ellerbe…wait, what?

- At the 16 minute mark, the Catamounts commit their 17th turnover leading to 20 Maryland points. Hmmm, five white starters, 3 black guys on the bench – uh, coach?

- Tomahawk dunk by Gist, he’s alive! At least he didn’t stand over the guy, flex his muscles and do a shimmy before getting back on defense (cough, cough). Terps up by 17 with 10 minutes to go…with that said, writing a real time article for such an outstanding game is not for me. It’s questionable whether or not I can bear to manage such a feat for Texas vs. Alcorn St. although Texas may start 5 freshmen so you never know (can't wait to see Kevin Durant). Jgshmesh!

Later, Deuce